1) Hearing that he cries for me sometimes in the mornings when I am at work when he first wakes up. This makes me sad. I always feel bad that I leave before he wakes up anyways. Especially since a number of family members keep him so I am never sure he knows who he is waking up to.
2) Knowing that by four in the afternoon, he gets fussy and cries for me. I hate days when I am delayed in getting home since he is used to me being there by then.
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| Who wouldn't want to say home with that adorable face all day? |
3) When I can't give him dessert or "treats" as he calls it. This is almost a nightly occurrence in our house due to his picky eating. We have started the you have to try one bit of everything (although I don't strictly enforce it if it is something he absolutely hates like mac n cheese weirdo.) But things like chicken that I know he will normally eat or fruits and veggies, I make him at least eat a bite of and swallow it since he outsmarted me for a while and would put it in his mouth and then immediately spit it back out since I only told him he had to at least put one bit in his mouth. This becomes a battle and then I have to deny him dessert. I hate the look on his face when he realizes I am not going to let him have any treats.
4) When we have to miss play dates or fun outings with other kids his age. This one happens a lot because everyone pretty much does play dates during the week. I hate it. My mom's group visits a nursing home with the kids and I want to go so badly. But alas I am a working mom. I can't wait until I stay at home and can do more fun things with Destructo. In the mean time, I try to set up play dates on Fridays when I am at home.
5) When he begs me to play with him and I have to say no. Don't get me wrong, I try to make the most of the weekends and play and go to parks. But I do still have to grocery shop, clean the house, pay bills. I hate when I have to tell him I am busy since I already have to leave him and go to work 4 day a week.
6) When he spends hours begging to go outside and can't because it is raining, cold, I am cleaning inside, etc. Plus our back yard is a bit of a cluttered mess and he gets into everything. That is part of my get my house organized goal. At some point, I am going to shame myself enough by posting pics of my back yard and patio to get super motivated like I did with my closet and get it all cleaned up and more kid friendly.
7) Every single morning when I walk out the door to work. This invokes enough guilt to smother and elephant.
8) When I picture having another baby and Destructo not being the sole apple of mommy's eye. I can't picture loving another little baby as much as I love him. Although I know that everyone says love multiplies when you have another and that it isn't divided. I am sure this is true, but I do still feel guilty when I picture it.
9) When I picture not having another child. I can't imagine having grown up without my sisters. You know the one who reads the blog and the one who doesn't. Haha. But then I think well what if I have a girl. We only want two kids. So my daughter doesn't get a sister and my son doesn't get a brother. So of course I have to have two boys. But we all know that the odds of having a boy is 50/50. Arrghhh. Then my head explodes and I stop thinking about it.
10) When I am putting Destructo to bed and he begs me nearly every night for one more book or one more minute rocking or a final drink or what not. I oblige to some extent but you know a toddler's persistence. At some point, I just have to tell him no and that it is time to lay down. Cue the guilt express.
Edited to add: Haha I am apparently a super guilty feeling person. I wrote this post about mommy guilt a while back and forgot all about it.
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Welcome to being a mean mom - it starts early when you try to raise a kid who will turn into a productive young person. ;) Anyone who says kids don't know how to work mom guilt at that age has never met my kids, lol. Hang in there - working adds a whole new layer of guilt - suddenly we are supposed to be essentially two people and do all the stuff working moms do and all the stuff stay-at-home moms do too. Accept help and figure out what you are OK letting go of and it does make life easier. Your son is at another "testing" age - my kids both test limits and are unsettled with everything at the 1/2-year mark. He'll learn when you go away you always come back and sometimes we have to work so we have time (and space!) to play. You are teaching life lessons even through those things. Hang in there!
ReplyDeleteThe one thing I heard when reading this...you love him and that's all that matters at the end of the day. Chores can wait. Meals can consist of nothing but applesauce once and a while. And children learn that Mommy loves us all equally (take this from someone who was an only child for 8 years before the younger sibling came around). In the end Love is all that matters.
ReplyDeleteI also wanted to make sure you knew about my newest giveaway? I'm giving YOU presents for MY birthday! How cool is that? http://msmorgansrealitycheck.blogspot.com/2013/01/celebration-giveaway.html
Mommy Guilt - we all have it I think. Hopefully life will change at some point where you don't have to work outside the home anymore?
ReplyDeleteI'm having a lot of mommy guilt lately too... If it makes you feel better, I grew up with 2 brothers, and I was super close to both of them. Still am, and they are awesome uncles to my kids! I don't think I missed out on anything not having a sister.
ReplyDeleteAck! I never knew guilt was such a part of mothering until I became a mom. And these little ones so know how to work it--ha! I think you're doing an awesome job. Also, it's been too long since I've been here--your site looks amazing!
ReplyDeleteAw, I'm sure that Destructo doesn't even realize some of these things. I'm not looking forward to when my little girl asks to stay up later for books/lullabys. It'll be so hard to resist. I second what Meredith says. Your new site design looks fabulous! Thanks for joining us at the mommy-brain mixer this week.
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