Ohhh the mommy guilt

I never knew  that in becomming a mommy, I would also become the most guilt riddled person on the face of the earth.  I read a ton of books while I was pregnant, but they didn't quite touch on the fact that every decision you make regarding your child or parenting or even what food to feed the child for dinner would bring with it feelings of guilt and self doubt.

The biggest source of guilt for me is that of being a working mom.  While I like my job most days, I never want to leave my little baby behind.  The first few months were awful and resulted in me crying on the way to work most Mondays and feeling a dull ache in my stomach every Sunday evening as I laid Destructo down knowing that it was another four days before I would be able to spend good quality time with him. This also had something to do with a bit of PPD most likely.

The sadness at having to work has gotten better as he has gotten older and more troublemaker some.  Some days I even love escaping to work to have peace and quiet and a chance to eat and pee all by myselffffff (said in my best Celine Dion voice.)  But the guilt is always there bubbling up when I least expect it.

I feel guilty over mommy and baby play dates.  I am in an awesome mom's group and a bonus was that it meets on Fridays when I am off so I can actually attend.  But they do lots of during the week play dates and Destructo never gets to go.  Pool parties, Easter egg hunts, Christmas caroling at the nursing home all missed because I was at work. 

By the time I get home in the evening, it is nearly dinner time.  I have a bit of a commute (30 miles) but with traffic, it can take anywhere from 30 minutes to 1 1/2 hours.  So I am almost always gone 10+ hours per day.  It was awful when he was a very little baby because he would be taking his last nap of the day when I got home and would usually sleep the first hour I was home.  Then he would be awake for maybe two hours before he went to bed for the night.  I hated those days.  Now at least he has dropped his afternoon nap and is awake the entire time I am home.  But it is still not good quality time as I have errands to run, dinner to cook, cleaning to do, and then the bedtime rush of bath, snack, PJ's, etc.

There is other guilt not related to working as well.  When we have days like this, I yell more than I would like and lose my cool more than I wish I would.  Days were Destructo's sole life mission is to destroy my house, hit me and the dog, scream and throw massive tantrums, and refuse to eat are not my crowning moments as a mom.  When I lay in bed at night on these days, I feel such guilt because Destructo is just a baby/toddler and deserves better than to be yelled at or scolded constantly.

I feel guilty when he eats a less than healthy dinner.  I try my very best to cook healthy and balanced meals for him.  But alas I am only human and some days are just pizza days or grilled cheese nights.  When we are out running errands all day and paying bills, I will sometimes feed him something from a fast food restaurant (although I do try to make it a healthier option if possible) but oh the guilt.  I am pretty sure I gave myself an ulcer the other day as I watched him eat a chicken nugget meal from a restaurant complete with powerade to drink (okay it was water with a splash of powerade to fool him, I could not completely give in lol.)  But let me tell you, he was the happiest camper on the block that night so it almost made it worth it.

The guilt starts creeping up when he sees a toy he really loves in the store and I tell him no.  Now this guilt I can easily live with because I am raising my son to know that you can't have everything in life that one wants and that frugal living is a good way to live.  But it still twinges since I want to give him everything in the world that he wants and needs.

One of my least favorite guilt monsters is when I for whatever reason have to ignore my son's cries.  Nothing breaks a mothers heart like listening to her child screaming and not being able to fix it.  Kai has some huge crocodile tears when he gets sent to his chair (aka time out) for being naughty.  I know I can't go to him and smother him in hugs, but the sobs literally hurt me.  Or when he is sobbing at 3 AM because he wants to play.  The worst tears are the don't go to work mommy tears.  Luckily for me my wonderful family is keeping him so this is far and few between most days he is pushing me out the door to work.

The mommy guilt strikes again when he wakes up poopy and has a bad rash because he pooped sometime in the middle of the night.  As his mother, I should have telepahtically known this and immediately changed him.  Or what about when you are driving and your child is sobbing because they don't want to be in the car seat anymore.  Of course they have  to because it is what is in the child's best interest, but it still sucks to see the tears.  Immunizations were awful for the mommy guilt.  I know that the shots hurt, but they are in my child's best interest.

So what can you do about the mommy guilt?  Well here are some things I have done that have helped me in the past to overcome  some of the guilt.
 1)  I tell myself I am not choosing to be away from my son.  I am choosing to earn money to feed, clothe, diaper, etc him.  Looking at it that way makes it much easier for me to leave him each and every work day.
2)  I try to spend at least 10-15 minutes as soon as I get home loving on him and nursing him and playing with him. It isn't much, but at least it gives us a chance to reconnect.  (Breastfeeding is wonderful for this.)
3)  I try to set up playdates on Fridays with mommy friends.  That way he at least gets around other kids and we do fun things and that makes me feel better about all the play dates we miss.
4)  I also try to do one craft or fun activity that is just for him.  We go to the zoo or local science center since we have memberships and it is free.  Or we do a craft on the weekend or go exploring in the garden etc.
5)  I try to remember that for every not as good meal I feed him, there are ten balanced and healthy meals to make up for it.  I also will try to make up a veggie to go with the pizza for example to assuage my guilt just a bit.
6)  When he is crying and I can't comfort him, I just tell myself that I am trying to raise a well behaved gentlman not a heathen bad boy.  This make me feel a little better since I know that I am doing it for his best interest.
7)  Even when he is fussing and throwing fits in the middle of the night, I will at some point go to him and check to make sure everything is okay and that he isn't poopy or what not.   I have learned the difference in his I am just fussing because I don't want to sleep or I need you mommy cries and never ignore the important cries.
8)  I also always do bedtime with him.  We read books and rock in his chair and I sing him his special song.  That way even though it is only a few minutes a day during the week, he gets my undivided attention.

So what mommy guilt monsters haunt you?  What do you guys do to tame the mommy guilt?


Linked up at:
Tuesday Baby

Top Ten Things I am Looking Forward to about Fall

Now that Destructo is firmly entrenched in toddler hood, life is a lot more exciting.  I am really looking forward to getting to do certain things this fall now that I have a mobile and very fun little man.  Here is my top ten list of fall activities that I can not wait to do with Kai.

1)  Go to the pumpkin patch.  We went last year but at the time Destructo was only 5 1/2 months old.  He loved looking around at everything and seeing all the colors and he was still young enough that he didn't have an opinion on clothing (which is a huge plus in my book.)  But he couldn't care less about the animals or picking a pumpkin.  He also wasn't on solids yet so we couldn't let him have any apple cider or treats.

I am quite excited about taking him this year.  He loves animals.  Hmmm I wonder where he got that from says the person who hold a bachelors in animal science.  The local pumpkin patch has a petting zoo with horses, cows, pigs, chickens, goats, etc and you can feed a lot of them.  They do a hay ride and have all kind of kid friendly activities such as a toddler hay bale maze.

He was so tiny.  Not even two feet yet. 

But the thing (okay who I am kidding two things) I look most forward to are letting him pick his very own baby pumpkin and getting him to stand up against this measuring stick thingie they have.  I took a pic of him last year against it with me holding him.  I want to take a pic there every year so that I can look back and watch him grow. 

Which pumpkin is the cutest in this patch?

2)  Fall colors.  Who doesn't love when the leaves start changing colors (because of shortening days in case you didn't know why) and it is like nature has been painted with the most fabulous colors ever?  Plus with fall colors come falling leaves and with falling leaves come me getting mad when they fall in our pool errr I mean leaf piles to jump in and get chiggers from.  :)

3)  Horse back riding.  I can't wait to get Destructo on horse back for the first time.  My friend Laura has two horses whom I love (okay that's a lie.)  I love one of her horses and only tolerate the other.  Stinking Tonka giving me rope burn last time I saw him.

Anyways, I miss horse back riding immensely.  But it has been a very hot summer and I can't bring myself to sweat to death in the 100+ degree humid weather, just to not be able to walk for days because of being saddle sore.  But come cool weather, it is on.  I am not sure if Kai will like horse back riding.  I know he loves horses, but he is terrified of the quarter rides at the mall so who knows?  I guess we shall see.

4)  Football.  I miss football during the spring/summer immensely.  I am a big Tennessee Titans fan and so is Destructo.  Okay maybe he doesn't really have an opinion on teams yet, but he is a big fan of any kind of balls so I figure he is excited for football as well.  I love watching the game on Sundays as I work on my shopping list and cut coupons.

Go Titans!

5)  Halloween.  Last year Kai was not quite six months and really didn't have a clue what was going on or why mommy was torturing him by making him wear a dinosaur costume.  (Side note here:  My mom bought his costume while I was in my first trimester thinking either a boy or a girl could wear it.  It was 4 bucks or something ridiculously cheap at a BRU clearance sale.)  The cutest part of it was that he had learned to roar just days before Halloween and did it all the time.

Kai enjoyed watching all the kids come to our house last year and seeing me hand out candy.  At one point, he passed out on the couch in full dino costume.  I took him to one neighbors house, but we didn't go actual trick or treating.  I plan on taking him to a few houses this year, but nothing crazy.  I do plan on letting him eat a piece or two of candy which will probably be a huge win in his book since I don't normally let him have just complete junk like candy. 

How Dinosaurs say Goodnight

6)  Cool crisp weather and an added bonus of much lower electric bills.  We typically get our cheapest electric bills this time of year.  Once the 90 degree days are over we hit our AC off and just use ceiling fans and open windows.  I love getting 50-75 dollar bills.  We will avoid turning on the heat as long as we possibly can and while our house sucks in the summer for staying cool, it is great in the fall for holding in warmth.  It faces in a way that the afternoon/evening sun streams right in so it really helps heat the place up.

7)  Vacation.  We are taking our family vacation to the ocean in October.  I am so excited to get Kai on an actual beach with white sand.  He loves playing in dirt, rocks, rice etc so I imagine he will really like sand as well.  

Plus he is a huge water baby.  He loves swimming, sprinklers, bath time so much.  I imagine he will love the ocean since it is nice and warm.  I am already buying all these cute beach themed outfits on super clearance and I got all kind of shovels, buckets, etc for sand castle building 75% off.  Yay for going on vacation late!

8)  Thanksgiving.  This is my very favorite holiday by leaps and bounds.  I love eating a huge feast and then being in a turkey coma.  I love black Friday shopping and getting great deals.  (My best one ever is my Shermag glider and ottoman combo for Destructo's nursery that I got for 149.)  I love getting together with all the family and getting four days off work.  I am lucky in that Mr. Destructo's family does a Thanksgiving lunch and my family does a dinner so we get to visit with both sides of the family and not have to decide whom to spend time with.

Last year, Destructo had just started solid foods about a month before.  With baby led weaning, you basically give them whatever you are eating (see this post if you are interested in learning more about BLW.)  It was fun getting to give him a bunch of food and he ate the heck of it.  He had three helpings of everything and this was after having a decent lunch and still nursing 7 times a day at that point.  Where has my good eater gone?  Nowadays I am just happy when he eats something.  LOL

Thanksgiving 2011

9)  Getting to eat chili and soups again.  I know you technically can eat them when it is hot out, but who really wants to.  Plus I don't want to stand over the stove when the house is already hot, nor do I want something simmering for hours adding extra heat to the house.  I love the "first day of fall" which in our house is just the first day that it isn't so hot you aren't sure you didn't visit the Sahara Desert.  And with chili time of year comes the bonfire time of year which is an added perk.  Nothing like the smell of hot chili, crisp air, and bonfire smoke to make a girl smile.

10)  Okay this isn't really something I am looking forward to necessarily, but I need to mention it because fall wouldn't be complete without hunting season starting up.  I am not a hunter at all, but Mr.Destructo is.  (Truly I live in fear of the arguments that will come when he gets a giant buck with a huge rack.  I do not want that hung on my modernly decorated living room.  Not at all.  I hope you are reading this Mr. Destructo!)  Plus I miss him when he is in the woods all day hunting (and am kind of jealous of the peace and quiet of the woods when I am stuck at home with a screaming Destructo.)  He offers to let me go, but I am not sure I want to watch him kill a deer.  I am not against it since we eat the meat and all, but my animal science side comes out and I would probably want to rescue it.

Ready to go hunting with Daddy

Honorable mentions are:  apple cider, hot chocolate, getting to wear winter hats again, and it being the camo time of year.  What are you guys most looking forward to about fall? 

More Consignment Sale Fun

I went to the half price day at my local consignment sale bright and early this morning.  I ended up spending 44 bucks and got 36 items. I was super excited about one thing, a four pack of onesies in 24 months for 2.50.  When I got home and started putting everything away, I noticed that they are 2 18 months, 1 24 month, and a 2T.  Valuable lesson learned here.  Always check all the clothes tags don't just go by the consignor card.  Another valuable learning lesson was to keep your cart right by you.  I left my cart to check out the toys and someone took a pair of jeans out that would have been 25 cents.  They weren't nice jeans by any means, but I was going to leave them at my sister's house for backup clothes just in case.  Oh well, I suppose that person needs them more than me.

 Here are pics of a few of my favorites:

Dino camo Carters overalls 3.50, Little Dude Children's Place onesie 1, green/blue outfit from Gymboree for 3

These jeans were 1.50, 2, and 1 respectively

Both sets of these Carters PJs were 1.50 each.  I bought the ball set solely because of Destructo's love of balls. 

Children's Place jeans 1.75, Carters grandma onesie 1.50, outfit on right 2.00

Overall I got a lot of great deals and have all the 24 month fall/winter clothes I need.  I still need to pick up a very few things for 2T fall/winter and then hit up the sales next spring for those clothes.  I am not sure when he will hit the 24 months so I am hoping that I didn't just waste a lot of money.  He is already in 18 months length wise and 9 months weight wise.

Destructo was adorable when I came home.  I was showing him the clothes and asking if he liked them.  His answer was always no, no, no.  He is a typical boy.  He couldn't care less about clothes.  But when I got to the sports balls PJ's, he grinned so big and grabbed them from me and hugged them.  He then begged to wear them.  He is all boy.